"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do... For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." (Romans 7:15-20, NIV)
Back and forth and back and forth. Do I take this path or should I follow this one? Should I be still or do what I know to do? Maybe I should pray. I don't even know what to pray for! Oh, how the enemy must be beside himself with glee. But thank God for God! I know I say this at least once a day, but God knows who and what we need right when we need them.
I was in such a funk today. Frustrated, confused with no idea what to pray for. I was so agitated I had to ask the Holy Spirit to pray for me! I couldn't even find words to share on this blog. By the time I got home from work, I was reciting the "I Am Sick and Tired of..." list over and over again.
Normally when this happens, I go through some one's fast food drive-thru and order grease with a large Coca Cola chaser followed by ice cream, preferably heavy on the chocolate. This is followed by frustration and more agitation because I then beat myself up for eating the "comfort" food instead of something healthy. But this time, I walked passed my freezer and went to my women's fellowship meeting.
I am usually not one to talk about my issues, needs and desires with a group of women because I have always felt that my issues are not as big or important as their issues and the issues of this world. This time was different. My precious sisters in Christ comforted me, guided me and encouraged me in such a way that by the time I left the meeting, the agitated funk was gone. I felt a release during our prayer time and God spoke so clearly to me about some things I needed to let go of. My sisters shared Scripture, sage advise and wisdom. On the ride home, I felt joy in my spirit and believed once again, that all things are possible to him that believes.
God has huge plans for each of us and He is working those plans every moment of every day. We may not be able to see the details or the strategy, but we do have to get to the end of ourselves and surrender. The battle for control is a draining battle that we are not going to win. God is in control despite what the enemy whispers in our ear. God has His own paths that make no sense to us. We have to stop fighting Him and discipline ourselves to be faithful, trusting and obedient.
My sisters made many things clear to me tonight. When speaking out my future, speak out God's Word because that is my future. Be true to myself and let go of what no longer brings me joy. Call or email each other for comfort and edification. Don't negate the positive and precious moments in life. Yield to what is happening in my life and ask God for the wisdom and discernment needed for each day.
I am so sorry if you are in a funky place today, especially if there is not chocolate in sight! Know that the Lord really does love you. Rest in the knowledge that He knows where you are and what you are feeling. Call on your sisters and/or brothers in Christ for prayer. If there is no one in your life to call, ask the Lord to bring people into your life who can walk with you on your journey. He will answer that prayer, I promise. He answered mine!
Monday, February 25, 2008
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